My experience of youth ministry has been mainly theoretical up to this point. I have been blessed to study under some amazing teachers, and also privileged to know and learn from a number of people who are involved in the work of ministry. I've learned a lot from these and others. But I know I still have a lot to learn, so please do not take this post the wrong way. I don't mean to be critical; but I do hope to caution. What I am about to describe are things that I myself have experienced and mistakes that I have also made. My hope in writing this post is to help others to not make the mistakes I have made. But if you do, please don't think you have failed. God is so good and merciful to us that, even when we make mistakes, if we truly desire to help others encounter Him and have a relationship with Him, He will make all things work together for the good of those who love Him.
Early into my studies at Franciscan, I learned that I wanted to live by a statement on one of my favorite Christian t-shirts: "It's not about me..." (and on the back) "...It's all about HIM."
There is no "me" in ministry. But there is a "you" in youth.
What I mean to say is, as a youth minister (and a youth minister is anyone who ministers to youth; the Director of Youth Ministry usually is called by this title, but we'll use it in its more general sense in this post), youth ministry cannot and should not become about me at any point in time. It should be about the young people that are coming to the youth nights. It's about them and it's about Jesus. What role do I play? I am just helping that encounter to have a space to happen. Or at least...that's what I should be doing.
You see, I've seen and experienced firsthand what happens when the ministry suddenly becomes more about the catechist than about the audience. Let me provide an example that you may have experienced.
I'm facilitating a small group discussion. And suddenly, as facilitator, I have a really cool reflection and I'm just so excited that I decide "I'm going to share this with the group and it's going to blow their minds." So I tell them. And what happens? Silence. Maybe a nod. A shrug. An acknowledgment that I've spoken. But mostly...a lot of blank or confused staring.
What just happened?
Small group suddenly became about me, the catechist, and not about the youth. Now, that may not seem like a big deal, and in some situations it really isn't. But other times, it can become a huge obstacle. There may be a kid in my small group who was going to share something, but is now afraid to for fear of sounding silly or ill-informed. And now they might never feel brave enough to speak in small group. I've closed a door for them. (I found this video extremely helpful in getting a visual of what small group conversations should aim to look like.)
Another scenario: I'm giving the talk at a youth night, and I decide to go off on a tangent and make this point that relates to this cool saint quote that I'm in love with right now. It's not necessarily related to the topic, but I just want to share it with them...because I'm excited about it. And...ten minutes later, I'm still talking about the saint quote, and am being met with a lot of blank/disinterested stares.
What just happened?
That talk just became about me and my spirituality instead of what it was meant to be about: Jesus (in one way or another, all talks should be about Jesus). Not only that, but now I'm taking up even more of the precious time we have with the youth talking about what we were supposed to be talking about, and they're sitting there being talked at (something which most kids don't like to be...talked at).
Now, lest you think that I am saying that youth ministry that should be done by a purely by-the-book fashion, please let me assure you that this is not at all what I mean. This kind of youth ministry does not work well either.
By-the-book youth ministry just goes straight from the notes of whatever program you're using (or writing perhaps) with no room for the catechist to actually be a person. That is to say, they're just reading words off a page that they didn't even write (and maybe don't care about) like some kind of faith-relaying robot.
Something that young people can detect better than anything else is a lack of authenticity. They know when you're faking it. They know when what you're talking about isn't something you actually care about. On the flip-side, they can tell when you're really passionate about something, and they do, often, find that attractive.
What makes or breaks it?
Plainly and simply, there is a difference between following the Spirit and following myself.
Shocker, right? Yet it's so easy for us to fail to distinguish between the two. There may be something in the talk or small group discussion I facilitate that speaks to my spirituality, my prayer life, my experience. But does that always mean I should share it? No. How do I know? I have to discern. I have to pray with it. And oftentimes, an examination of my motives is helpful. Are my motives to look cool in front of these kids? Or is the Spirit guiding me to share this because it might help somebody here tonight? Sometimes it can be really hard for us to distinguish between the two. Other times it's really easy. But this is why the catechist has got to be praying everyday. If we want to speak God's words, we must be familiar with His voice. And once we're familiar with His voice, it becomes much easier to distinguish between His voice and ours.
So this is the negative "you" in youth ministry: youth ministry that is much more centered around what the facilitator is interested in and passionate about than around the needs of the youth and the Person of Jesus Christ. This isn't youth ministry. This is "you" ministry. Suddenly, it's all about me. It's about what I want to talk about and what I'm excited about. It ought to be about how much Jesus wants a relationship with these kids and how much I want to help these kids encounter Jesus; but I can only help if I take the time to understand their needs and the steps we need to take for that encounter to happen. As much as I may be super excited about John 13, this might not be the Gospel passage that the teens I minister to need to keep hearing about. Maybe they need to hear about the Good Shepherd, the Prodigal Son, the woman at the well.... Whatever it may be, I need to be aware of. And if I fail to do that, then I am (to a greater or lesser extent) preventing that encounter with Jesus Christ from happening. And the reason is not one that I can be proud of: because I want to talk about [insert topic] instead.
I will say it again: I have made these mistakes. I am not accusing or judging anyone here. But I know that I often need to take a reality check, look at the situation, and say to myself: "Why am I talking about this? Do I want to draw attention to myself by this, or is this something that might help someone here?" A great way to know the difference is for me to know those I'm ministering to well. When I know their needs, I am better able to discern what to say and what to leave unsaid because I have a better gauge of where the young people listening are at.
Youth ministry has got to be about finding where the young people in your youth group are at right now. Do they know Jesus? They might know about Him. But do they know Him? How can you help them to encounter Him? How can you help them to break down those walls they've put up? How can you help them to know how to let Jesus love them and lead them? These are the questions we should be answering. These are the desires we should be seeking to satisfy (though, of course, it is not us but Jesus who satisfies them ultimately).
I said there is a positive "you" in youth ministry. I promise there is one.
One of the many things I admired about my professors in the undergraduate Catechetics program was the way that they encouraged each one of us in our individuality. They were not out to make "cookie cutter catechists" who all talk the same way, and use the same analogies, etc. No. They wanted us to flourish as persons: to be who we have been made to be and to be comfortable in that. God made us who we are. God wants us to be who we are. God wants me to be the catechist that only I can be. And this is good! It is good because there may be a person out there who has heard the conversion story of a thousand other people and remained unmoved. But mine might just change their life. This isn't pride. This is just trusting God. I know I've been transformed by the words and deeds of others, probably in ways that they will never know and because of things they will never remember. But St. Peter tells us to always be ready to give an answer for the hope that we have. This doesn't just mean be ready to give the apologetics for the sacrament of the Eucharist (though sometimes you'll need that). It also means being ready to share your story: how I came to know Jesus and how He has changed my life. My story may not (and probably won't) change 1000 lives. Maybe not even 100.
But it could change one. And that's why I need to be ready to share it.
Teens detect authenticity, or the lack thereof. If I am real with them about my experience of who Jesus is, and how He wants to love Him, and how I know that because I've experienced it personally...they'll know. They may not be transformed on the spot, ...but somebody might be. What is required of me is the humble obedience to share my story, and, more importantly, to share His story: the Gospel. That's what evangelization is. It isn't winning others over to "my side." It's opening the door for people to enter into life with Christ. It's not about proving people wrong; it's about introducing them to the Fullness of Truth (Christ!). It's not about me; it's all about Him. And the positive "you" in youth ministry is you being you (in Christ) and pointing others to Christ, so that none of the attention or glory or praise ever stay with you, but are passed immediately to Him.
"You gave a great talk tonight."
"Thank you. Praise God!"
"What you said really inspired me."
"I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you, Jesus, for speaking through me."
Live and breath Psalm 115:1.
Not to us, LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.
God has chosen you to preach the Gospel, and He wants you to do that in the unique way that only you can. But in all humility, we praise God when we succeed in helping someone else to come to know Jesus. It is not by our words that hearts and lives are changed; it is only by His. Only His voice, which spoke the world into being and calms the stormy sea can bring peace, comfort, joy, and strength to those who could not find it before. Only He can fulfill the innermost desires of our hearts. And I never want to get in the way of someone encountering Jesus Christ.
So, in the words of Tobymac,
If You want to steal my show,
I'll sit back and watch You go,
If You've got something to say,
Go on and take it away.
I need You to steal my show,
I can't wait to watch You go-o-o-o.
So take it away.
My brothers and sisters, do not be afraid to let the Lord take control. May we be given the grace to follow the guidance of the Spirit and not get in the way of the Lord, Who so desperately longs to speak to the hearts of those we minister to.
Be assured of my prayers for all of you who read this post. May the Lord bless you.
Pace e bene,
the Itinerant Catechist
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