The "You" in Youth Ministry

My undergraduate work took place at Franciscan University of Steubenville.  One of the marks of Franciscan is the bachelor of arts degree in Catechetics.  (If you don't know what that is, catechesis, plainly and simply, is handing on the Catholic faith.)  I was blessed to study at Franciscan University, pursuing a double-major in Theology and Catechetics, with a concentration in Youth Ministry, and a minor in Communication Arts. Yeah, that's a mouthful. (Or an eyeful, in your case, as a reader.)

My experience of youth ministry has been mainly theoretical up to this point.  I have been blessed to study under some amazing teachers, and also privileged to know and learn from a number of people who are involved in the work of ministry.  I've learned a lot from these and others.  But I know I still have a lot to learn, so please do not take this post the wrong way.  I don't mean to be critical; but I do hope to caution.  What I am about to describe are things that I myself have experienced and mistakes that I have also made.  My hope in writing this post is to help others to not make the mistakes I have made.  But if you do, please don't think you have failed.  God is so good and merciful to us that, even when we make mistakes, if we truly desire to help others encounter Him and have a relationship with Him, He will make all things work together for the good of those who love Him.

Early into my studies at Franciscan, I learned that I wanted to live by a statement on one of my favorite Christian t-shirts: "It's not about me..." (and on the back) "...It's all about HIM."

There is no "me" in ministry.  But there is a "you" in youth.

What I mean to say is, as a youth minister (and a youth minister is anyone who ministers to youth; the Director of Youth Ministry usually is called by this title, but we'll use it in its more general sense in this post), youth ministry cannot and should not become about me at any point in time. It should be about the young people that are coming to the youth nights.  It's about them and it's about Jesus.  What role do I play?  I am just helping that encounter to have a space to happen.  Or at least...that's what I should be doing.

You see, I've seen and experienced firsthand what happens when the ministry suddenly becomes more about the catechist than about the audience.  Let me provide an example that you may have experienced.

I'm facilitating a small group discussion. And suddenly, as facilitator, I have a really cool reflection and I'm just so excited that I decide "I'm going to share this with the group and it's going to blow their minds."  So I tell them.  And what happens? Silence. Maybe a nod. A shrug. An acknowledgment that I've spoken. But mostly...a lot of blank or confused staring.

What just happened?

Small group suddenly became about me, the catechist, and not about the youth.  Now, that may not seem like a big deal, and in some situations it really isn't. But other times, it can become a huge obstacle.  There may be a kid in my small group who was going to share something, but is now afraid to for fear of sounding silly or ill-informed.  And now they might never feel brave enough to speak in small group. I've closed a door for them. (I found this video extremely helpful in getting a visual of what small group conversations should aim to look like.)

Another scenario: I'm giving the talk at a youth night, and I decide to go off on a tangent and make this point that relates to this cool saint quote that I'm in love with right now. It's not necessarily related to the topic, but I just want to share it with them...because I'm excited about it.  And...ten minutes later, I'm still talking about the saint quote, and am being met with a lot of blank/disinterested stares.

What just happened?

That talk just became about me and my spirituality instead of what it was meant to be about: Jesus (in one way or another, all talks should be about Jesus).  Not only that, but now I'm taking up even more of the precious time we have with the youth talking about what we were supposed to be talking about, and they're sitting there being talked at (something which most kids don't like to be...talked at).

Now, lest you think that I am saying that youth ministry that should be done by a purely by-the-book fashion, please let me assure you that this is not at all what I mean.  This kind of youth ministry does not work well either.

By-the-book youth ministry just goes straight from the notes of whatever program you're using (or writing perhaps) with no room for the catechist to actually be a person.  That is to say, they're just reading words off a page that they didn't even write (and maybe don't care about) like some kind of faith-relaying robot.

Something that young people can detect better than anything else is a lack of authenticity.  They know when you're faking it.  They know when what you're talking about isn't something you actually care about.  On the flip-side, they can tell when you're really passionate about something, and they do, often, find that attractive.

What makes or breaks it?

Plainly and simply, there is a difference between following the Spirit and following myself.

Shocker, right? Yet it's so easy for us to fail to distinguish between the two.  There may be something in the talk or small group discussion I facilitate that speaks to my spirituality, my prayer life, my experience.  But does that always mean I should share it?  No.  How do I know?  I have to discern. I have to pray with it.  And oftentimes, an examination of my motives is helpful.  Are my motives to look cool in front of these kids?  Or is the Spirit guiding me to share this because it might help somebody here tonight?  Sometimes it can be really hard for us to distinguish between the two.  Other times it's really easy. But this is why the catechist has got to be praying everyday.  If we want to speak God's words, we must be familiar with His voice.  And once we're familiar with His voice, it becomes much easier to distinguish between His voice and ours.

So this is the negative "you" in youth ministry: youth ministry that is much more centered around what the facilitator is interested in and passionate about than around the needs of the youth and the Person of Jesus Christ.  This isn't youth ministry.  This is "you" ministry.  Suddenly, it's all about me.  It's about what I want to talk about and what I'm excited about.  It ought to be about how much Jesus wants a relationship with these kids and how much I want to help these kids encounter Jesus; but I can only help if I take the time to understand their needs and the steps we need to take for that encounter to happen.  As much as I may be super excited about John 13, this might not be the Gospel passage that the teens I minister to need to keep hearing about.  Maybe they need to hear about the Good Shepherd, the Prodigal Son, the woman at the well.... Whatever it may be, I need to be aware of. And if I fail to do that, then I am (to a greater or lesser extent) preventing that encounter with Jesus Christ from happening. And the reason is not one that I can be proud of: because I want to talk about [insert topic] instead.

I will say it again: I have made these mistakes.  I am not accusing or judging anyone here.  But I know that I often need to take a reality check, look at the situation, and say to myself: "Why am I talking about this? Do I want to draw attention to myself by this, or is this something that might help someone here?"  A great way to know the difference is for me to know those I'm ministering to well.  When I know their needs, I am better able to discern what to say and what to leave unsaid because I have a better gauge of where the young people listening are at.

Youth ministry has got to be about finding where the young people in your youth group are at right now.  Do they know Jesus?  They might know about Him.  But do they know Him?  How can you help them to encounter Him? How can you help them to break down those walls they've put up?  How can you help them to know how to let Jesus love them and lead them?  These are the questions we should be answering.  These are the desires we should be seeking to satisfy (though, of course, it is not us but Jesus who satisfies them ultimately).

I said there is a positive "you" in youth ministry. I promise there is one.

One of the many things I admired about my professors in the undergraduate Catechetics program was the way that they encouraged each one of us in our individuality.  They were not out to make "cookie cutter catechists" who all talk the same way, and use the same analogies, etc.  No. They wanted us to flourish as persons: to be who we have been made to be and to be comfortable in that.  God made us who we are.  God wants us to be who we are.  God wants me to be the catechist that only I can be.  And this is good!  It is good because there may be a person out there who has heard the conversion story of a thousand other people and remained unmoved.  But mine might just change their life.  This isn't pride.  This is just trusting God.  I know I've been transformed by the words and deeds of others, probably in ways that they will never know and because of things they will never remember.  But St. Peter tells us to always be ready to give an answer for the hope that we have.  This doesn't just mean be ready to give the apologetics for the sacrament of the Eucharist (though sometimes you'll need that).  It also means being ready to share your story: how I came to know Jesus and how He has changed my life.  My story may not (and probably won't) change 1000 lives.  Maybe not even 100.

But it could change one.  And that's why I need to be ready to share it.

Teens detect authenticity, or the lack thereof.  If I am real with them about my experience of who Jesus is, and how He wants to love Him, and how I know that because I've experienced it personally...they'll know.  They may not be transformed on the spot, ...but somebody might be.  What is required of me is the humble obedience to share my story, and, more importantly, to share His story: the Gospel.  That's what evangelization is.  It isn't winning others over to "my side."  It's opening the door for people to enter into life with Christ.  It's not about proving people wrong; it's about introducing them to the Fullness of Truth (Christ!).  It's not about me; it's all about Him.  And the positive "you" in youth ministry is you being you (in Christ) and pointing others to Christ, so that none of the attention or glory or praise ever stay with you, but are passed immediately to Him.

"You gave a great talk tonight."
"Thank you. Praise God!"

"What you said really inspired me."
"I'm so glad to hear that. Thank you, Jesus, for speaking through me."

Live and breath Psalm 115:1.

Not to us, LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.

God has chosen you to preach the Gospel, and He wants you to do that in the unique way that only you can.  But in all humility, we praise God when we succeed in helping someone else to come to know Jesus.  It is not by our words that hearts and lives are changed; it is only by His.  Only His voice, which spoke the world into being and calms the stormy sea can bring peace, comfort, joy, and strength to those who could not find it before.  Only He can fulfill the innermost desires of our hearts. And I never want to get in the way of someone encountering Jesus Christ.

So, in the words of Tobymac,

If You want to steal my show,

I'll sit back and watch You go,

If You've got something to say,

Go on and take it away.

I need You to steal my show,

I can't wait to watch You go-o-o-o. 

So take it away.

My brothers and sisters, do not be afraid to let the Lord take control.  May we be given the grace to follow the guidance of the Spirit and not get in the way of the Lord, Who so desperately longs to speak to the hearts of those we minister to.  

Be assured of my prayers for all of you who read this post. May the Lord bless you.

Pace e bene,

the Itinerant Catechist

Shore Thoughts

It's been a while since my last post, so I apologize for my long hiatus. But much of that time was spent recovering from a summer of master's classes and then preparing for a long journey south. But after a short time at home, a long drive, and my first week, I am pretty well settled in my new residence as I begin serving the Church in Florida.  My involvement in particular ministries is still being finalized, but I've had a good first few weeks getting settled here and enjoying the life in community with my fellow Echo apprentices who have been placed in this area.

The adjective "itinerant" has described my life pretty well in the last week, not only because I was making the longest drive I've ever made, but also because this is the beginning of a whole new chapter of life.  I'm still realizing that I am not returning to my undergraduate university, Franciscan University of Steubenville, in a week, even though many of my friends are.  I'm realizing that I will not be seeing them and my fellow graduates for a while.  I'm realizing just how far from home I am.  I'm adjusting to a new lifestyle of being more or less independent, but also living in a community of new people.  There are many changes to adjust to, sure enough. But thankfully, everyone has been very kind and generous to me (and to all of us) as I move through the transition.

We've been out to the ocean a few times since I got here, and both times the song "Oceans" by Hillsong has been on my mind.  I remember I hadn't heard this song before I crossed an ocean to study abroad for four months.  This was my first time being very far from home, and I didn't know what the semester would hold. I was nervous, concerned I wouldn't have many friends, and worried that many things would go wrong.  But I look back on that semester with an incredible fondness.  It was truly amazing, one of the most beautiful adventures of my life. :) My worries were slowly dispelled, and God taught me how to trust Him with everything.  "Oceans," when I heard it, spoke to my heart deeply...because it spoke from my heart deeply.  It was exactly what I felt as I embarked on that journey:

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown,

Where feet may fail. 

And there I find you in the mystery,

In oceans deep,

My faith will stand. 

And I will call upon Your name,

And keep my eyes above the waves,

When oceans rise,

My soul will rest in Your embrace,

For I am yours, and you are mine.

Your grace abounds in deepest waters,
Your sovereign hand will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me,
You've never failed, and You won't start now.

I won't say that semester was completely free of worry and struggle.  There were moments where I felt them strongly, particularly in the beginning.  But in those moments, I was able to find comfort, encouragement, and direction (some easy to take, some harder) in the Lord, particularly in the celebration of the Mass, which I could attend every day if I wanted because classes did not meet at that time, and also in a little prayer book I had received form my dad: My Daily Bread.  

That semester taught me to trust God in a whole new way: with my relationships with people, with my immediate and long-term needs, with the smallest and biggest details of traveling abroad, and so forth.  Once I was able to really trust God with that, I found that I didn't need to be afraid; that He would take care of it, and, not only that, but things turned out even better than I could have imagined or planned for myself.  I learned that His plans are so much greater than mine, and I learned to trust those plans enough to give up my own.

My journey to where I am now has required a lot of trust, too; but it has been made a bit easier by remembering how God asked me to trust Him that semester and how beautiful the end result of that was.  I remember sitting in my room a few weeks before graduation from undergrad and Oceans started playing on my computer.  I remember just sitting for a moment and listening, and remembering how nervous I was before beginning that semester abroad, and applying that life lesson to the right now: God was with me when I went to Europe for four months, and that's not going to change as I'm going to a new and unfamiliar place for two years.

That's what kept me going. That's what kept, and has continued to keep me from getting overwhelmed and freaked out by how new all of this is.  Because I know, no matter what happens, and no matter where I go, my God is always, always the same.  He's never failed and He won't start now.  No matter what happens, good or bad, He will be there, just as He's always been.  All I have to do is turn to Him.

So as I've sat on the shore by the ocean, and tasted the salt in the waves as I braved deeper waters, I remember just how good God is, and how I can always depend on Him.  Though everything else may change, He will be there. He is my solid ground. He is my constant.

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, 

Let me walk upon the waters, 

Wherever you would call me, 

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, 

And my faith will be made stronger, 

In the presence of my Savior.

Beloved, we are God’s children now; it does not yet appear what we shall be, but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. And every one who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure. 

~1 John 3:2-3~

Until we meet again,

the Itinerant Catechist